How To Write A BAP Report
(or What the "heck" is a BAP report?)

How To Write A BAP Report or What the "heck" is a BAP report? by Brad Kemker Did you know approximately 92% of aquarium clubs have a Breeders Award Program? TBAS has one such Breeders Award Program and is proud to count itself among the prestigious many. Many clubs require an article describing the spawning be published in the club bulletin in order to receive points. TBAS adopted some heavy handed "big brother" requirements for its BAP awards. Before you can be awarded BAP points you have to: notify a BAP committee member within two weeks of the spawning; six of the fry must be brought to a general meeting or a BAP committee member must come to your home (to go through your personal belongings and take whatever they can carry), and a complete spawning report must be filled out and turned in. I prefer the alternative method of slipping the BAP committee member a twenty dollar bill and calling it a day. I've successfully bred many species with this method and it saves me time and money on actually caring for the fish. But wait, there is more. After you've jumped through these hoops you can either (a) donate six or more fry to the club auction, (b) write a newsletter article, (c) make a presentation concerning the spawn to the club or (d) donate the breeders to the auction for a 50/50 split of the proceeds. I prefer option (e) slip the BAP committee member a twenty dollar bill and call it a day. Reports can be excruciatingly boring. After all, how many ways can you describe fish doing "the fin dance"? We all know TBAS member Roy Yanong could describe "the fin dance" in such hot erotic detail you wonder why your aquarium doesn't vaporize into steam. This is why every member should pray for Roy, that he will find a life. If nothing else, we should form the "Roy Study Group" to consolidate al lour knowledge on this rare and diminutive species. Anyway, I thought it might be fun to write an article on how to (and how not to) write a BAP article for a club bulletin. Here it goes (you fill in the details): Recently heard a rumor on the internet, a new species of fish was discovered by (Hieko Bleher, Don Conkel, Madonna) in the rural regions of (Brazil, Cleveland, Bill Shield's fish room). Like any other fish geek, I had to be the first one in my club to have it. I was able to locate two (hybrid, F90, wild-caught) specimens, which luckily turned out to be (two males, a mated pair, infertile), set the fish up in a (125 gallon, toilet tank, pond, 55 gallon) which they shared with (community fish, alligator gar, turtles). I planted the tank heavily and placed drift-wood and clay pots on the bottom. I conditioned the fish on finely-prepared foods, such as (finger nails, flake, brine shrimp, neon tetras). After several weeks of conditioning , the fish began to exhibit spawning behavior. Much to my pleasure, I awoke one morning to discover the fish had (spawned, jumped from the tank, died). The small, brown eggs were firmly attached to the inside of a clay pot. The female closely guarded them waving (her fins, a newspaper, the male's dead carcass) over them to keep them clean. And after (ten days, two hundred days, an eternity), the eggs hatched. The (one hundred, three, who counts?) greenish fry were immediately free swimming, but stayed close to the clay pot. The female took care of the parenting, while the male (courted other females, watched sports on television, left town). After two weeks, the fry were fed a diet of (baby brine, infusoria, (I love that word), cole slaw). I attempted to feed them hush puppies, but they didn't like fried foods. Other things I did to ensure the growth of the fry was to remove the parents after four weeks to a (thirty gallon, a deep fryer, the grill). I used fry saver (you pick the brand) and did fifty percent water changes weekly (which would be easy if you chose the option of raising them in the toilet tank). BAP Committee Chairman Bill "Gestapo" Shields verified the spawning. There will be no article, presentation or auction. By the way, Mr. Shields offered to pick up the first few rounds of drinks after the next general meeting, having just come into a small sum of cash from a yet un-named BAP participant. Seriously though, for a fine example of how to write a BAP article, read Brian Skidmore's article on Roloffia chaytori in this issue.